84: New Year Relationship Focus

Brief Summary of objectives (3):

• Educate listeners on why intentional investments in relationships lead to personal and mutual growth.
• Empower individuals to create actionable relationship-focused resolutions for the new year.
• Equip couples and families with practical tools to sustain meaningful connection throughout the year.

Call to action:  Remember that small changes can lead to big impacts. Pick two relationships that you would like to improve and identify one small change you would like to implement in those 2 relationships today.

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Transcript

Brief Summary of objectives (3):

• Educate listeners on why intentional investments in relationships lead to personal and mutual growth.
• Empower individuals to create actionable relationship-focused resolutions for the new year.
• Equip couples and families with practical tools to sustain meaningful connection throughout the year.

Topic 1: Why Relationships Deserve Investment 

• Healthy relationships allow us to live longer, healthier lives
  • unhealthy relationships can tax our nervous systems and decrease our physical health and well being
  • Secure relationships are an essential aspect for our emotional, physical, and mental health. It is finding the relationships in your life that are worth the investment. 
  • Building a secure relationship with yourself will help you be able to identify what that looks like in a partnership or other relations within your life. Helps you within personal and career goals.   
  • Knowing that a partner has your back will help know that you have a healthy and safe environment 
• There are benefits when we invest in your relationships and develop them to be secure relationships that do take investment of our time and willingness to work. You can create these through partnered relationships and family relations to help give you safe spaces. 
  • Create resilience
  • A healthy relationship can create an independence and confidence 
  • You will find higher self-esteem because you feel better about yourself. 
  • When you have solid relationships, you are able to manage your anger on a better note and fear 
• We tend to think of New Year’s Resolutions on the basis of individual betterment (lose weight, work out, stop drinking, pray more, use phone less, etc.) but we don’t tend to direct those efforts towards our relationships as often
  • can actually be more likely to follow through with relational goals because you have a built-in accountability partner! 
• Healthy relationships impact our kids
  • crafting a solid foundation for your kids increases the likelihood that they’ll have better relationships themselves, that their mental health will improve, and that they’ll perform better in school
  • This is providing our children with an environment to feel supported as they grow up 
  • This is giving our children a loving, stable, and responsive relationship that gives them the ability to learn how to think, understand, communicate, behave, express and develop their social skills. They gather this from their environment and by seeing how you interact with your relationships. 
  • Healthy relationships give children a better social and cognitive ability for development at home. 
  • How your children were parented is going to influence how they parent their own children one day. 
  • Children are impacted by the leading example on what a healthy relationship looks like, so you are their example and those you let be present in their life. Teaching them to have a loved and secure environment, encourage them when you can, be interested in the activities they find to be most interesting, and make mutual respect. 

Topic 2: Crafting Relational Resolutions 

• Identify areas where you’d like to change or improve
  • financial habits
    • they are important to have conversations within relational communication 
  • sex
    • Making sure intimacy isn’t one that slips away in our business of being parents, or loss of passion. Find the ways you both need intimacy in your daily life. 
  • quality time
    • Spending time alone and with important relationships can be important in your time together. This helps through a date night or simple dinner. It is continuing to date even once you are married to maintain the relationship you have as a couple. 
    • Getting people to vocalize what means a lot to them?
    • What does quality time mean to each of you? 
  • emotional intimacy
  • complement each other
    • This one seems straight forward but can be left out on our busy days. Simple text or written not that you give to your partner. 
  • communication 
  • conflict resolution 
    • being able to express thoughts and feelings more directly, avoiding blaming others, focus on one argument at a time, open-minded, assuming the other person had good intentions, and work together to find solutions. 
  • healthy relationships
    • Looking to have character traits in your relationship such as mutual respect, trust, honesty, individuality, and communication
  • Discuss with partner and brainstorm what improvement in those areas looks like
    • a vague goal is not a helpful goal
    • ex: what does a better sex life look like? what does it mean to have better financial habits? what does quality time mean for each of you? how does our communication need to improve? 

Examples: 

I’d like to improve communication and emotional intimacy with my partner this year. 

• Action Item 1: Read one chapter of the 5 Love Languages (or another) book each week and discuss together.
• Action Item 2: Utilize 15-min check-in exercise each day. (positive, negative, positive sandwich) 
• Action Item 3: Plan and put on the calendar 1 date night each month.
• Action Item 4: Designate 1 night of the week as a “fun night,” to engage in a hobby that both of you are interested in: painting, baking, cooking, woodworking, building, etc.
• Action Item 5: Ask partner what they would like to see improve in these areas this year.

I’d like to improve my relationship with my friend this year.

• 1: Set reminders to text/call friend every day or two.
• 2: Make plan to see friend within the next month. 
• 3: Make a list, and budget for, small gifts to surprise friend with a few times this year. 
• 4: Choose a book to read with friend this year. 
• 5: Ask friend how they’d like to join with you to invest in your friendship this year.

Topic 3: Maintaining Momentum All Year 

• Create a plan for working toward your goals 
  • examples: monthly date night, weekly budget check-ins, we’re going to read this marriage/relationship book together and discuss it
  • be flexible throughout the year, modify your plan based on what works and what doesn’t
    • if something isn’t working, pause and ask why, rather than simply trying to push through
    • adjust and try again
  • Hold each other accountable
    • what does it look like to do so?
    • weekly meetings, monthly check-ups, daily check-ins?
      • for issues where more serious change is needed, more frequent check-ins would be advised
  • Recognize any need for outside resources 
    • if you’ve been trying the same thing and not getting anywhere, it’s time to look outside the status quo for some help
    • books, podcasts, print resources, Gottman website
    • wise friends or mentors
    • therapy
  • Be prepared for speed bumps!
    • hiccups are going to happen - that’s normal
    • frame them as speed bumps, not dead ends
    • modify and keep moving

Recap:

Educate listeners on why intentional investments in relationships lead to personal and mutual growth.

Empower individuals to create actionable relationship-focused resolutions for the new year.

Equip couples and families with practical tools to sustain meaningful connection throughout the year.

Call to action: Remember that small changes can lead to big impacts. Pick two relationships that you would like to improve and identify one small change you would like to implement in those 2 relationships today.