Types of Relationships

Brief Summary of objectives:

• Identify types of relationships. 
• Identify our relational health in those areas.
• Seeking and building practices for healthier relationships.

Call to action: 

You are the executive in control of your life. If a relationship is causing you concern or is even in crisis, you have the power to move forward in a healthy way. Reach out and seek the resources you need and take a step forward. Healthy relationships are life-giving, and they are worth working for.

Thank you for tuning into Stacked Intent to be authentically YOU! Be sure to leave a review and follow us on instagram.

Transcript

Introduction “Welcome to Stacked Intent, where we discuss and drop tips on how you are going to intentionally stack your life. I’m Becca Stackhouse-Morson – owner of Stacked Intent. Today, we’ll be talking about Types of Relationships and how they plan a role in our life with our co-host, Sarah. Let’s get started!” 

Brief Summary of objectives:

• Identify types of relationships. 
• Identify our relational health in those areas.
• Seeking and building practices for healthier relationships.

Before you launch into hearing this podcast on types of relationships, I want you to pause to what comes to mind when you think about relationships? 

Now let’s get started on talking about types of relationships and why they are each important in our life. 

Topic 1: Identify types of relationships. 

• “It’s all about relationships, period.” - Tommy Smith
• “It’s not what you know, it’s who you know.”
• Our life is full of, and built around, relationships.
  • Relationships can be defined in the way in which two or more concepts, objects, or people are connected or the state of being connected. Words that hold similar meaning are connection, relation, association, link, correlations, parallel, bond - these words can be used to describe relationships in other contexts.  
• I (Sarah) am what’s called a systemic therapist, which means that I view and treat individuals not in isolation, but in the context of the systems in which they live. [Website]
  • relationships support our lives, and impact us from the time we wake up at home (roommate, spouse, children, family), as we go about our day (local barista, coworker, employer) and as we end our day (friends, loved ones). 
• I (Becca) am a family life educator, which means I am in the professional practice of equipping and empowering individuals with the knowledge and skills to enhance their well-being and lifestyle. That helps individuals to strengthen their interpersonal relationship through education, preventive, and strengths-based approaches. Because relationships can impact by enriching and improving the quality of our life.  [Website]
• What typically comes to mind when you hear the word relationships?
• So let’s talk about those different types of relationships:
  • platonic friendship
    • Most people use this phrase to refer to a non-sexual relationship, but its meaning is deeper. Platonic friendships are characterized by deep feelings of respect, understanding, closeness, and fondness/love, emotional intimacy, and loyalty. 
    • The term originates from Plato, who considered platonic love the higher form of love, as it transcends the physical body.
    • this can occur between friends, co-workers…anyone who is not a member of your family or a romantic partner
  • romantic relationships
    • typically characterized by passion, intimacy, and commitment
    • very similar to platonic love, except with the addition of physical attraction
    • romantic relationships tend to change and develop over time
      • in the early stages of a relationship, in the phase of intense attraction, the brain releases certain chemicals, like dopamine [last eighteen months to two years or it might be less], and heighten the sense of passion and draw people together
      • as the relationship progresses, the dopamine fades naturally, ideally leaving behind two people who have established a deep emotional intimacy with each other, as well as a commitment to one another
      • bonfire analogy: the beginning of the night is a massive flame when it goes up and toward the end of the night is has begun to fade into glowing coals. 
  • a subset of romantic relationships: sexual relationships without a commitment component
    • friends with benefits 
    • casual sexual partners
  • familial relationships
    • a relationship between two people who are related by blood or marriage
    • parent-child
    • siblings
    • extended family
  • work relationships
    • employer/employee
    • coworkers
    • team members
    • business associates
  • Though there are endless ways to describe types of relationships that we have in our lives. What is important to recognize is that it is okay to have different types of friendships and relationships in your life. Not everyone has to be the one you call in the middle of the night when your world is falling apart, or you got the most exciting news. But we should all have those three rides or dies that will always be there for us. 
  • Though oftentimes a relationship that gets missed is the one that we have with ourselves and that is the foundation to a healthy relationship to flow into all the ones we just listed. 
  • The relationship that we have with ourselves is one of the most important ones we can have, because it is the foundation by which every other relationship is built from. 
  • Self-Relationship is the one that you have with yourself. This is how you view, understand, and talk to others through the lens of how you see you. 

Topic 2: Discuss and assess our relational health in those areas. 

• We’ve discussed different types of relationships, but now let’s discuss the different flavors those relationships can take!
  • Healthy relationships are characterized by:
    • open communication
    • honesty
    • trust
    • commitment
    • ability to have healthy confrontation 
    • mutual support
    • mutual healthy, self-sacrifice
    • respect
    • fondness/affection
• In any style of relationship, it is important to have a healthy relationship present from the way someone understands your independence and how shared decisions might be made. 
  • Building a healthy relationship is not an easier task sometimes, but it is worth the journey to build a healthy you to have healthy relationships. 
• On the flip side of healthy there are unhealthy relationships. Though in my years of teaching and talking about relationship education I have found a thread is sometimes we just do not know that a behavior someone shows us is unhealthy. This can be because of what we have seen in our homes, the music you listen to, or the shows/movies that you watch. Sometimes unhealthy and bad behavior is glamorized to create a story line and unless we become aware of this then we miss what red flags and unhealthy behavior are happening. 
  • Social isolation
  • physical/psychological abuse
  • deflecting responsibility
  • lack of trust 
  • belittling
  • guilting
  • disrespect
  • control
  • betrayal 
  • blame
  • hostility
• codependent relationships can occur between any two individuals (romantic, family, work, friendships, etc.) and are characterized by:

unhealthy dependence on partner for emotional wellbeing

need partner for emotional regulation

inability/difficulty to make individual decisions without partners input

difficulty imagining oneself without your partner

difficulty contemplating leaving relationships, even in the face of unhealthy behaviors such as addiction, infidelity, or abuse

repeatedly sacrificing personal needs for happiness or benefit of partner without mutual exchange

loss of personal identity

isolation from other relationships

inability to have productive conflict/highly conflict avoidant 

continuously making excuses for the other’s behavior/enabling behavior

codependent relationships are typically (though not always) a two-way effort - one person needs the other one, who is comfortable being needed

• toxic relationships are characterized by:

severe relational power imbalance 

demeaning, oppressive, hostile, and otherwise abusive behaviors

tend to be severely one-sided or full of intense power grabs

manipulation in many forms

lack of support

disrespect

passive aggression

poor communication

causes stress for at least one partner in the relationship

Topic 3: Seeking and building practices for healthier attitudes and behaviors. 

Before we launch into evaluating relationships. I want you to think about these questions in a dual sense for your relationship with yourself and others. It is important to understand the relationship you have with you and what makes an authentic you to be able to understand and willing to evaluate the other relationships happening in life. 

First, evaluate your current relationships. Are they where you want and need them to be? If not, don’t panic! Odds are, at least one present or past relationship came to mind when we were talking before. That’s okay!

If a relationship is concerning you, take time to reflect on the behaviors you’re really concerned about in both you and your relationship partner - romantic, professional, friend, family, or otherwise. Journaling or writing out your thoughts might help you articulate what you want to say.

Second, ask yourself if it's productive, feasible, and safe to have this conversation with your relationship partner (not if it's hard, uncomfortable, or intimidating). 

If the answer is yes, plan a time to do so. 

If the answer is no, this is officially an unhealthy or even unsafe relationship. If you can’t have an honest, respectful conversation in your relationship, the relationship is severely unbalanced and will likely have negative consequences in your life long-term.

if leaving the relationship will put you at physical risk, it’s even more imperative that you leave, but please do so safely. Seek resources to help you. Contact your local domestic violence center and they can help you identify next steps, as well as legal resources for you.

Third, have a conversation with your partner or friend about your concerns. Express that you’d like to preserve and grow your relationship, and you would like them to work with you to help make things better. Work together to set goals for your relationship.

Be aware that sometimes this conversation may not go as you planned. You are working with two people or more. 

Fourth, make an actionable plan to work toward your goals. There are several ways you can help support this process:

seek the aid of a qualified therapist

invest in individual and couple friendships

too much pressure and focus on one relationship can rob us of support we need to improve that relationship

helps combat codependency 

wise friends can both offer support and hold us accountable when we need it

make sure you take time to take care of yourself - invest in hobbies, make sure your physical health is taken care of (medical care, dental care, quality sleep, nutritious food, etc.)

intentionally plan time to spend together to nurture/improve your relationship 

Finally, regularly pay attention to your relationships. We mow our grass every week or two (at least during the summer) and take our car in to be serviced once or twice a year - relationships require maintenance too. Take notice if something seems to be struggling and give it the attention it needs to be repaired. 

Do remember along the way you might encounter friends of the road who are ones we encounter along our journey in life that might only be present for a season of our life. They might only be present during a certain season of our life, but they give us a modeling for our life. Then there are friends of the heart who are those you strike a deep connection with, and they will always live in a spaces within your life. 

Call to action: 

You are the executive in control of your life. If a relationship is causing you concern or is even in crisis, you have the power to move forward in a healthy way. Reach out and seek the resources you need and take a step forward. Healthy relationships are life-giving, and they are worth working for.