67: How Anxiety Affects Relationships and Healthy Coping Strategies for You and Your Partner

Anxiety doesn't just live in your head — it shows up in how you connect, communicate, and conflict with the people you love. In this episode, we explore the ways anxiety affects relationships and walk through healthy, research-backed coping strategies for both individuals and couples navigating anxiety together.

Thanks for spending time with us today on Stacked Intent. If this episode added something to your life, we'd love it if you left a review and followed us on Instagram — it helps more people find the show. For resources, tools, and more visit us at www.stackedintent.com. New episodes drop every Thursday. Because when you choose to authentically be you, you are always enough.

Transcript

Anxiety & Coping in a Relationship 

Brief Summary of objectives (3):

•  Be able to recognize the symptoms and effects of anxiety in ourselves. 
•  Identify when and how anxiety is affecting our relationships.
• Developing coping strategies for dealing with anxiety and its effects. 

Topic 1: Be able to recognize the symptoms and effects of anxiety in ourselves. 

Many people say “I have anxiety about XYZ”, but what does anxiety actually look like? 

Common signs and symptoms can look like you feeling nervous, restless or tense. 

There is a difference between common anxiety and anxiety disorder 

• female to male ratio 2:1 
• usual onset in 20s and 30s

Physical symptoms: 

• muscle aches/tension, headaches, trembling
• fatigue/difficulty sleeping
• shortness of breath, choking sensation, heart palpitations
• churning stomach, IBS, diarrhea/nausea
• irritability, startling easily
• skin problems
• psychological symptoms:
• ongoing disproportionate worry/obsession about things, inability to stop worrying
• feeling “on edge”, problems relaxing
• a foreboding/dread that something terrible is about to happen
• inability to focus, memory issues
• fear of making bad decisions/uncertainty causing distress
• focusing on negative outcomes when considering options
• seeking validation through social media

Effects on body

prolonged hyper-vigilance and elevated heart-rate compromises the body’s immune system and increases inflammation

puts one at risk for developing:

irregular heart rhythm

digestive issues

increased blood pressure

reduced blood flow to the heart

reproductive issues

How does anxiety feel/look like for you? 

sweating? heart rate jumping? hands shaking? nausea? racing thoughts?

Topic 2: Identify when and how anxiety is affecting our relationships.

Anxiety is a connection blocker

overthinking and the uncertainty that goes with it create emotional distance

is he upset with me?

does she not want to hang out with me?

I sounded so stupid just now. I’ll just not say anything else.

if I say/do this, then they’ll probably respond this way - better not. It’s not worth it.

connection occurs in periods of intentional rest, courage, and reaching toward one another - something difficult to do when you’re trapped in your own head.

connection requires vulnerability, which anxiety is generally reluctant to allow.

Anxiety heightens the pursuer/withdrawer dynamic

Avoiding/withdrawing from conflict

repressing emotions

leaves partner confused and feeling pushed away.

leads to eventual explosions. 

Anxious/pursuing of conflict.

hyperaware of issues in relationship (“picking all the battles”)

leaves partner feeling harassed and exhausted, as if they can do nothing right.

anxiety is a present-taker. 

it both narrows our focus to the negative in any situation and overblows our focus so that we are so consumed with the larger “what ifs” that we aren’t present in the moment.

example 1: a spouse drops their clothes on the floor instead of the hamper and we think “oh my gosh, they never listen and they don’t value what’s important to me. Our relationship will always be me fighting to be seen and heard” (result: activation, frustration, and pursuit/withdrawal)

example 2: a friend takes a while to respond to a text and we think “they don’t like me, I’m not worth it to them, I’m annoying them, what’s wrong with me?” (result: activation and emotional distance)

example 3: playing with your children and you notice that the house is messy; “I can never keep this house clean, what’s wrong with me that I can’t do that, when am I going to have time to clean this? I can’t invite anyone over like this.” (result: activation and isolation, both from kids and socially)

Topic 3: Developing coping strategies for dealing with anxiety and its effects. 

First, identify where anxiety is present in your life, self, and relationships.

take note of the symptoms mentioned earlier and pay attention to where they are appearing in your life and relationships.

does your heart rate go up when your child coughs?

Do you start sweating during a conflict with your spouse?

do you panic at the thought of attending a gathering with friends?

when you are calmer, plan for and practice coping skills that might help you in those situations

a deep breath when your child coughs before reaching for the thermometer or examining them, followed by an affirmation of “a cough is okay, sickness is normal, etc.”

calling a timeout with your spouse, taking a break to deescalate before resuming the discussion at a calmer level

mindfulness exercise to practice before and during a gathering, share anxiety with a close friend who can help support you during the event, plan to step outside/away during the event if your anxiety rises.

practice and practice again

debrief after those moments and see what worked and what didn’t

try again

Coping skills for managing your activation level

3-5 slow, deep breaths

triangle breaths - 4 seconds inhale, 4 seconds holding, 4 seconds exhale

3 Things

3 things you can see in the room, 3 things you can hear, 3 things you can physically feel

Modified lovingkindness meditation

3-5 deep breaths

picture a treasured memory of your partner during a good moment

focus on that memory for 30-60 seconds

let the memory return to the vault of your mind and continue to breathe deeply

Body Scan

Google!

Call to action: 

Your anxiety doesn’t control you - you control you. Identifying its presence in your life and relationships can go a long way toward helping you manage it. Take charge by choosing 3 skills to practice lowering your anxiety levels. Then, evaluate those - if they don’t work, don’t give up! Pick a few more and keep trying. Practice doesn’t make perfect, but it does make progress. You can do this.