Stacked Intent: Be Authentically YOU!
The Stacked Intent podcast explores topics such as healthy relationships, finance, and nutrition, all backed by research. It aims to guide listeners toward intentional living and building confidence. Stacked Intent is a Family Life Education business that helps individuals discover their authentic selves and make impactful decisions regarding money, time, and energy. The initiative was inspired by a pivotal question about fostering healthy relationships, emphasizing the need for education on true relationship boundaries. Through podcasts, courses, and other resources, Stacked Intent promotes understanding and practicing healthy relationships and self-reflection.
Stacked Intent: Be Authentically YOU!
67: Anxiety & Coping in a Relationship
The content provided is already concise and structured with clear objectives and detailed information on recognizing anxiety symptoms, understanding its impact on relationships, and developing coping strategies.
Call to action: Your anxiety doesn’t control you - you control you. Identifying its presence in your life and relationships can go a long way toward helping you manage it. Take charge by choosing 3 skills to practice lowering your anxiety levels. Then, evaluate those - if they don’t work, don’t give up! Pick a few more and keep trying. Practice doesn’t make perfect, but it does make progress. You can do this.
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Anxiety & Coping in a Relationship
Brief Summary of objectives (3):
- Be able to recognize the symptoms and effects of anxiety in ourselves.
- Identify when and how anxiety is affecting our relationships.
- Developing coping strategies for dealing with anxiety and its effects.
Topic 1: Be able to recognize the symptoms and effects of anxiety in ourselves.
Many people say “I have anxiety about XYZ”, but what does anxiety actually look like?
Common signs and symptoms can look like you feeling nervous, restless or tense.
There is a difference between common anxiety and anxiety disorder
- female to male ratio 2:1
- usual onset in 20s and 30s
Physical symptoms:
- muscle aches/tension, headaches, trembling
- fatigue/difficulty sleeping
- shortness of breath, choking sensation, heart palpitations
- churning stomach, IBS, diarrhea/nausea
- irritability, startling easily
- skin problems
- psychological symptoms:
- ongoing disproportionate worry/obsession about things, inability to stop worrying
- feeling “on edge”, problems relaxing
- a foreboding/dread that something terrible is about to happen
- inability to focus, memory issues
- fear of making bad decisions/uncertainty causing distress
- focusing on negative outcomes when considering options
- seeking validation through social media
Effects on body
prolonged hyper-vigilance and elevated heart-rate compromises the body’s immune system and increases inflammation
puts one at risk for developing:
irregular heart rhythm
digestive issues
increased blood pressure
reduced blood flow to the heart
reproductive issues
How does anxiety feel/look like for you?
sweating? heart rate jumping? hands shaking? nausea? racing thoughts?
Topic 2: Identify when and how anxiety is affecting our relationships.
Anxiety is a connection blocker
overthinking and the uncertainty that goes with it create emotional distance
is he upset with me?
does she not want to hang out with me?
I sounded so stupid just now. I’ll just not say anything else.
if I say/do this, then they’ll probably respond this way - better not. It’s not worth it.
connection occurs in periods of intentional rest, courage, and reaching toward one another - something difficult to do when you’re trapped in your own head.
connection requires vulnerability, which anxiety is generally reluctant to allow.
Anxiety heightens the pursuer/withdrawer dynamic
Avoiding/withdrawing from conflict
repressing emotions
leaves partner confused and feeling pushed away.
leads to eventual explosions.
Anxious/pursuing of conflict.
hyperaware of issues in relationship (“picking all the battles”)
leaves partner feeling harassed and exhausted, as if they can do nothing right.
anxiety is a present-taker.
it both narrows our focus to the negative in any situation and overblows our focus so that we are so consumed with the larger “what ifs” that we aren’t present in the moment.
example 1: a spouse drops their clothes on the floor instead of the hamper and we think “oh my gosh, they never listen and they don’t value what’s important to me. Our relationship will always be me fighting to be seen and heard” (result: activation, frustration, and pursuit/withdrawal)
example 2: a friend takes a while to respond to a text and we think “they don’t like me, I’m not worth it to them, I’m annoying them, what’s wrong with me?” (result: activation and emotional distance)
example 3: playing with your children and you notice that the house is messy; “I can never keep this house clean, what’s wrong with me that I can’t do that, when am I going to have time to clean this? I can’t invite anyone over like this.” (result: activation and isolation, both from kids and socially)
Topic 3: Developing coping strategies for dealing with anxiety and its effects.
First, identify where anxiety is present in your life, self, and relationships.
take note of the symptoms mentioned earlier and pay attention to where they are appearing in your life and relationships.
does your heart rate go up when your child coughs?
Do you start sweating during a conflict with your spouse?
do you panic at the thought of attending a gathering with friends?
when you are calmer, plan for and practice coping skills that might help you in those situations
a deep breath when your child coughs before reaching for the thermometer or examining them, followed by an affirmation of “a cough is okay, sickness is normal, etc.”
calling a timeout with your spouse, taking a break to deescalate before resuming the discussion at a calmer level
mindfulness exercise to practice before and during a gathering, share anxiety with a close friend who can help support you during the event, plan to step outside/away during the event if your anxiety rises.
practice and practice again
debrief after those moments and see what worked and what didn’t
try again
Coping skills for managing your activation level
3-5 slow, deep breaths
triangle breaths - 4 seconds inhale, 4 seconds holding, 4 seconds exhale
3 Things
3 things you can see in the room, 3 things you can hear, 3 things you can physically feel
Modified lovingkindness meditation
3-5 deep breaths
picture a treasured memory of your partner during a good moment
focus on that memory for 30-60 seconds
let the memory return to the vault of your mind and continue to breathe deeply
Body Scan
Google!
Call to action:
Your anxiety doesn’t control you - you control you. Identifying its presence in your life and relationships can go a long way toward helping you manage it. Take charge by choosing 3 skills to practice lowering your anxiety levels. Then, evaluate those - if they don’t work, don’t give up! Pick a few more and keep trying. Practice doesn’t make perfect, but it does make progress. You can do this.
